Week of Craziness 11/09/2018

This is been a very difficult week. I've had a lot of
anxiety nervous swimming lessons was really nervous doing the swimming lessons
went to the deep end and have the fear that I was going to fall in and sink to
the bottom. I mean I don't know why I have this fear I'm never been afraid of
the water, but I had anxiety on all week anyway and I haven't been able to
sleep I’ll be less stressed. I just need to you know let go and let God as they
say. I mean I want I want to be comfortable and I want they have to relax, and
I really want to learn to swim. I mean this is something I'm doing because I
need to exercise in have to find a way to something that I like that I will
continue to do that is very healthy for me with my anxiety I mean I get so
nervous I want to cry I don't want to do this women exercises because I just
get this overwhelming panic that just scares me. I'm I mean I'm not afraid I
know I'm not but when I get in the watering and it's time to swim I just get
this feeling in the pit of my stomach that is just like I don't know I don't I
can't explain it it's just a fear a great fear. I was able to make it through the
lesson get to the deep end and like I said and I was able to stay there
but I just like I was going to fall back and sink and the girl that
was my swimming instructor she was like you can hold on to me you can hold onto
me it's fine and I did. So, when I go back next week we are going to practice
only in the deep end so I will not have a fear of laying on my stomach and swimming
are floating in the shallow end of the pool. So that's good and I don't know
what the rest of the weekend holds for me but I am going to breathe and
persevere through all of these feelings and emotions that are just driving me
crazy and I don't understand it I mean I feel like I need to cry but I can't
cry something is holding me back I don't know what it is. But I'm going to keep
on until I get to the bottom of it and just be able to live my life and normal
again that's all I want is just to be normal you know be do be like I was
before you know that day because that's when my world changed and I want to be
that way again know don't be exactly the same because there's a part of me
that's missing but it could be Close to that. Let's pray that I get there and
then I'm strong and I stay strong. Thank you