Now What?

So still have to find something to do I don't I don't have a
lot of choices of the just being me it's always hard to find out what I want to
do. I mean I'm taking swimming lessons that's something I'm trying again to
learn the guitar haven't done that yet is just that I can't focus on it I don't
know why I just can't do it I'm every time I try to learn it seems like my arms
are just too big. All all want to do really is just just find me something to
occupy my time I mean. I want to just lay around all day day sleep all d and
have nothing to do just talk on the phone to people I mean I get that old
get tired of just down mean talking so you want to do something else and no one
has any ideas of what to do. So what I've been doing I've also decided to
babysit for Ashton who I was hurt to caregiver now I'm going to take care of
her daughter her nanny I should say I say it care giver but is more of a nanny.
So and I want to do a podcast and I know that's complicated but I mean I like
to do that at some point. I want to talk about my issues with depression and
how hard things were for me and just you know letting other people know that
there are people out there just like them who go and not spend you can't just
let go of things. I mean I have a lot of Family issues where a mean they want
me to be this old person that I used to be and I'm not longer that person I am
you know trying to be all about me what what do I mean what do I want to do
what are things in life that I've put on hold because I was taking care of my
family taken care of them you know my brother or taken care of the kids in our
those are things eating out I want to know if I can succeed in these other
different journeys that I'm taking now. I I love my life I just don't like it
right now I mean they're just spots that up just like oh man what am I going to
do do I want to do is do I want to go to the house today.