Anxiety and swimming

Well what the swimming lessons on Wednesday that was November 14 , 2018 and I was having a little trouble floating in the water letting go and I talk to my therapist about that and she says he no swimming shows you what you're really not letting go. I think I'm just not trusting myself which is the swim instructor was saying but I'm going to make every effort this coming Wednesday to clothing underwater no float know anything I just trying learned and just trying to let go it won't be easy I know that but I I have got if I want to learn to swim I've got to do this so I will keep you posted I have an appointment with my therapist Wednesday morning and then I have swimming lessons that evening at four and that is November 21. The day after Thanksgiving so Happy Thanksgiving.

Why do I feel this way?

You know when I can explain? I can explain why I feel this way mean is no rhyme or reason to for it I just know that it's Christmas over the holiday season tickets almost Thanksgiving today is November 12,2018. And I just feel I don't know what's going on I'm going to go see my therapist tomorrow and hopefully she'll have some insight into why am feeling this way I think it's because it's coming up on the holidays and I just feel blah with a touch of anxiety. Hopefully things will go better after Wednesday my swimming lessons have two more swimming after that. I'm hoping that I can learn to swim so that I can practice more I keep saying this but I get such fear when I get to the deep end of the pool. Hopefully Wednesday all will go well I will keep you updated. Thank you

Week of Craziness 11/09/2018

This is been a very difficult week. I've had a lot of
anxiety nervous swimming lessons was really nervous doing the swimming lessons
went to the deep end and have the fear that I was going to fall in and sink to
the bottom. I mean I don't know why I have this fear I'm never been afraid of
the water, but I had anxiety on all week anyway and I haven't been able to
sleep I’ll be less stressed. I just need to you know let go and let God as they
say. I mean I want I want to be comfortable and I want they have to relax, and
I really want to learn to swim. I mean this is something I'm doing because I
need to exercise in have to find a way to something that I like that I will
continue to do that is very healthy for me with my anxiety I mean I get so
nervous I want to cry I don't want to do this women exercises because I just
get this overwhelming panic that just scares me. I'm I mean I'm not afraid I
know I'm not but when I get in the watering and it's time to swim I just get
this feeling in the pit of my stomach that is just like I don't know I don't I
can't explain it it's just a fear a great fear. I was able to make it through the
lesson get to the deep end and like I said and I was able to stay there
but I just like I was going to fall back and sink and the girl that
was my swimming instructor she was like you can hold on to me you can hold onto
me it's fine and I did. So, when I go back next week we are going to practice
only in the deep end so I will not have a fear of laying on my stomach and swimming
are floating in the shallow end of the pool. So that's good and I don't know
what the rest of the weekend holds for me but I am going to breathe and
persevere through all of these feelings and emotions that are just driving me
crazy and I don't understand it I mean I feel like I need to cry but I can't
cry something is holding me back I don't know what it is. But I'm going to keep
on until I get to the bottom of it and just be able to live my life and normal
again that's all I want is just to be normal you know be do be like I was
before you know that day because that's when my world changed and I want to be
that way again know don't be exactly the same because there's a part of me
that's missing but it could be Close to that. Let's pray that I get there and
then I'm strong and I stay strong. Thank you

It was a hard day.

Yeah so it's Thursday November 1, 2018 and I didn't have swimming lesson yesterday was Halloween. So i'll have those swimming lessons next week and hopefully i'll have a better time of it it's been two weeks since I've been swimming lessons as I'm hoping you know that I'll be more aggressive I'll be able to push through and then my swim instructor will also feel you know more confident you know because she was freezing it was cold that day and so Seefelt different and maybe heard differences reflected on me. And hopefully you know being there today was such a hard day and I want my worst days now that's a good thing it was not one of my worst days it was just I just was anxious about my first day on my second job babysitting and I just was just scared I guess and just wanted to know how that day was going ago and the day went really well so I'm hopefully it will be the same tomorrow. I mean the baby was great I mean she didn't wasn't fussy she took her bottle the dog was more Busy then the baby was. So you know I guess I mean this is something that I'm going to work through and then the more comfortable I get the more I will enjoy it hopefully I will have a better day as the weeks progress hopefully. And I know this is kind of all over the place when I talk on these blogs is This the way I talk I mean I can always go back and edited and put something together as my book and hopefully one day I'll be have to do that and in an be able to print that out and get that information together and I have a just of book for reflections. I think that would be a good thing because this this blog is been going on for some years is just that I never talk as much as I do now I mean I had stuff to talk about but I just cannot kept it bottled all up inside. And then they just called to strain on me and it was just rough. We will see how things go hopefully I will talk to you some this weekend if not I will definitely talk after Wednesday. Thanks